im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
