I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
