I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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