Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
