i'm lost and i look like a hooker
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
