seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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