dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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