Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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