sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
