i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
