Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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