I CAN MOONWALK!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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