"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
