Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize