You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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