How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
