Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
