I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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