I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
