Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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