What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She needs sedatives and a leash
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
