Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
