dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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