Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
