Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
time to smoke my breakfast
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The air was thick with penises
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
