He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
