i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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