my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
