Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
