I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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