Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
