3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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