so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
