the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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