she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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