I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
