This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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