when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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