that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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