Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
