that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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