I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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