You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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