I'm eating all of the evidence.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
