Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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