There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
