ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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