The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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