It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
