i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
