Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
