I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just google imaged poop.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
