Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
did i just pee glitter
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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