im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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