Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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