if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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