Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
