Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You ruined the universe
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
