since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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