I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
