So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
