He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
