my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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