sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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