K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I didn't notice because vodka
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Panties = found
Randomize
