Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
worst night to have a conscience
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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