It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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