remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
