whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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